Always My Jeff

Grief is grief is grief!

December 6th, 2025
Grief is best defined as the emotional and physical response to a significant loss, such as the death of a loved one. It is a natural process that involves a wide range of feelings, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion, and affects an individual’s physical, psychological, social, and spiritual well-being. Grief does not follow a single, orderly path; instead, it can manifest as waves of emotion, and each person experiences it differently and at their own pace. This was taken from the internet but it is perfect and allows me to not have to think as much as I write this!

Ironically, this is National Grief Awareness Week. I am not sure I agree with “Grief Week”. Grief isn’t an event like attending a sales convention or going to summer camp. Grief is something that is every single day for the rest of our days. It comes in waves but it truly never leaves. It can be all consuming, it affects the decisions we make, the way we feel, the way we look at things, and the way we live from the time of our loss along with just about everything else. I guess the biggest problem I have with having a week is that I believe we should feel supported and loved every day. We should feel able to reach out to someone when we are at our lowest of lows and even our highest of highs. Grief can affect our good days just as much as it can cause our bad days. On good days, it can leave us with feelings of guilt and loneliness. Even the happiest of events can bring about sadness. Why am I the one still here? Why isn’t he/she here to see this? Round and round it goes. Anyway………enough about this.

This week was a particularly difficult one. I am still trying to reacclimate to life back in the US. I know, poor me but it is tough when you leave a place that truly makes your heart sing, where you feel at home, where you feel alive and then return to a place that isn’t doing that. I know I will find my place and I look forward to that day but until then……I want to be back in Italy!!

Anyway, Thursday started like any other day. Woke up, got dressed, started the coffee and then it happened. Sweet Andi had a seizure and it was a bad one. If you don’t know Andi, here is the short version or as short of a version I can give for this sweet girl. Jeff bought me Andi when I was sad because Augie went back to school with Jeffrey. Andi was the sweetest Doodle with a big case of separation anxiety (until Augie came home). She was immediately loved and my companion. Here I am, 15 years after she came into this world and I tell myself daily that I am on borrowed time with her and I like to think that Jeff keeps putting in a good word up there for her to stay here with me. Even though I know I am fortunate to have had her all this time, I am not close to being ready to live without her. She has been there for me through lots of BS and it hurts to know that at the time I will need her the most to get me through, she will not be here because her leaving will be my reason to need her. OK, back to Thursday……awful seizure followed by lots of scary side effects but then a few hours later and she seemed back together with a bit of disorientation and tiredness. Then came 1:30 pm and another seizure. It was over more quickly than the first but to see her going through it was just as hard. Holding her and talking to her (even though she is deaf and can’t hear a word I am saying) was what I wanted to do and what I didn’t want to do all wrapped up in one. It was so hard to see this sweet girl going through this. The vet ran some tests and they came back fine so for the rest of her time here, she will be on anti-seizure medicine. If things ever get to the point where she is suffering, I will let her go but until then, she is THE MOST SPOILED DOODLE ever and I will not apologize for that. She deserves it and she will get it!!

Sadly, on 11/10/25, our Doodle crew lost the baby of the bunch. Molly, Craig, and Quinn’s beloved Jake crossed the Rainbow Bridge. He was hit with cancer and had no chance of recovery. It all happened so quickly and that makes it even harder for them. Quinn went to bed having 2 fur-brothers and woke up with 1. Why?? Jake was the gentlest soul. He was a happy boy with sad eyes and they were not sad because he was sad, it was just Jake. Jake was loved deeply and he knew that. Jake’s time with his incredible family was cut short far too soon but there is comfort in knowing that Jeff will take care of him now. I find comfort in the fact that when Andi’s time comes, Jeff will be waiting for her and will be able to snuggle her again. Augie will be happy to have her to play with again. It’s going to be ok except for the hole that they leave in our hearts. As I have always said……the worst part about having a dog is not having them anymore!

Jake Smith

Andi Grace Bobjak
Share this:
X
Facebook
Like Loading…
Just keep moving forward…..

August 17th, 2025
I remember taking this photo because it was such a crazy day! The sky was so bright ahead of me and pitch black behind me. I was sitting here trying to go through photos to get rid of duplicates or screen shots of things I either no longer need or worse yet, I cannot for the life of me figure out why I took them in the first place and this photo popped up. It seems to be very in tune with my life now but that definitely was not always the case. There was a time when, even if it were bright and sunny outside, I was in that black portion of the photo. I saw no future. I saw no happiness. I saw no life. I was just existing. It is sad to think back to that time because I’m sure Jeff was not very happy with me then. I’ve said it before, he would never not want me to be happy and to live. I do hope that he realizes that EVERYTHING came crashing down on the day he left. Actually, it was the day of the shit show but his leaving took any hope away. This was my reality. This was my kids’ reality. This was a lot of people’s reality. He was gone and was not coming back. Oh! I guess that’s why I was in the dark. My heart was dark, my world was dark, my brain was dark. I was afraid to be alone and even more afraid of the thought of finding someone. My future was looking pretty grim.
I’m not quite sure when the day happened but that shift came and just like the photo, I drove out of that darkness. I started to realize how lucky I was for what I had. Can’t quite say blessed because I was still pretty upset with God and my Church but that too would become a work in progress. And what was it that I had? Three amazing children, a house that we built, a job that I loved, family and friends who loved me, and a world in front of me to do with whatever I chose. Was it ultimately what I would have chosen…..I think you all know the answer to that question. Did I get to surge ahead and set up a life? Absolutely the case. And here I am 3138 days (or 8 years, 7 months, and 4 days) later and I’m ok. Has it been a rocky ride? Of course it has. But what ride isn’t? The trials in my life, except for losing the people I love, have been speed bumps. And luckily for me, I drive a low profile car so I know that even though I might have to take them on slowly, I will still get over them. As I have told my kids….someone always has it worse and I will NEVER stop believing that. Walking this Earth, as I type, there is someone who would give anything to have it “as easy as I do” even though it has been hard.

“Tough times don’t last, but tough people do,”
Share this:
X
Facebook
Like Loading…
For the life of me……

July 22nd, 2025
I am a Sirius XM girl. I have a range of about 7 channels. Today, I was going to an appointment, thinking about nothing in particular and The Verve came on…..The Freshmen. My first thought goes to one of my former cheerleaders, Jayanne. She was all about The Verve when they came out and I still remember that from forever ago. Then I really started focusing on the words. These words were profound for the first time ever……

For the life of me, I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise, and we’d never compromise
For the life of me, I cannot believe
We’d ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen.

So many things came into my mind. Of course, the obvious…..being young and knowing better than anyone. But then more hit me. Jeff and I were wise. We knew what we wanted. From the beginning, we knew we wanted to get married which is why we were engaged within months of meeting each other. We knew we wanted to have a family which is why we were married in October and pregnant by March. We knew we wanted to have a comfortable life which is exactly what we did. We knew it all…….until we didn’t. We knew what our empty nest was going to look like. We knew what our retirement was going to look like. We knew it all…….until we didn’t.

When we first started dating, Jeff would tell me he was going to die when he was 28. He was serious. He just had this gut feeling that he was not going to live past that age. Well, he did and I am so happy for that but now I think about it and he didn’t even double that. At 51 years old (a week into it), he had to start his journey to leave us. WE DID NOT KNOW THAT! I still have days where it just seems like it really didn’t happen. We were supposed to grow old together. We were supposed to travel the world together. We were supposed to make even more memories together. Little did we know!! But, again, the shift in the way I look at things needs to kick in…..We didn’t grow old together but we did grow up together, we didn’t travel to all the places we wanted to but we did travel to many great places together, and we didn’t make as many memories as we wanted to make but we did make oh so many memories together. Maybe I’m a little more invested in this today because tomorrow would have marked the 38th Anniversary of our Meeting. We would be going out to dinner at some point this week….we met on the 23rd and started dating on the 26th. We liked to celebrate things whether they were considered major or ‘no big deal’. We would be making plans for things….trips, parties, concerts, and all the other things we would do. It is still all so vivid to me. I remember everything about him and always will. I still try to replicate the sound the water would make when he took a shower and I still have absolutely no idea how to do it but I still try. I still talk to him and every now and then, I yell at him. I still wonder/hope that wherever he is now, he is ok and is watching over me, the kids, and now the grandkids. I just hope he knows that I’m ok so he can get the rest he earned.

And I still look for signs……after the song was over, I was stopped at a red light and the car in front of me had this on the back window…….
NEVERTHELESS SHE PERSISTED. Not in the way the feminist cause came to use this phrase but in my general life I have! Yes, in spite of difficulties, I have persisted……thank you Jeff!!!
Share this:
X
Facebook
Like Loading…
I was a lucky girl!!

June 9th, 2025
On June 1st, I was sad. It marked five years since I lost my Dad. We tend to think we have the best Dads ever and I know that most people are incorrect because there can only be so many best Dads and mine was THE BEST DAD ever!! Even as a kid, I knew how special he was. I knew how much he loved me. I knew how lucky I was to have him as my Dad. He was just an amazing guy. After I lost Jeff, he jumped right back into his role as “My Guy”. I remember our last conversation and how difficult it was and healing at the same time. I knew we had to let him know it was ok to leave but how in the world do I do that when I didn’t want him to ever leave?!?! I thought about it, just trying to find the right words. I decided to ask him for a favor. I asked him to give Jeff a big hug for me and let him know I missed him. There was no doubt in my mind that he would gladly do that for me. Jeff was never his son-in-law, he was his Dad even though Jeff was scared of him in the beginning. You know, the Italian Dad thing but as Jeff got to know him, he saw him as his Italian Dad. Anyway, after that I thanked my Dad for everything. I told him he was and always will be My Guy to which he thanked me. And now, he is the owner of one of the holes in my heart.

And now today, it is five years since he moved into his new home at the cemetery. A memory on my FB came up and I am going to share it here. Those of you who knew my Dad are so very lucky to have known him. Those of you who did not, I am so sorry because not only would you have loved him but he would have loved you right back.

So today, Dad moved into his new home. Mom asked if we could all share one story that was special to us about Dad. Picking one was difficult but I felt I picked one that truly showed his nature. When I was in labor with Jeffrey, all I wanted to do was talk to my Dad. Jeff called him and my Dad did exactly what I thought he would. He told me how great I was doing. How proud he was of me. How great it was going to be when we saw the baby. He was always my guy to do that. He calmed me, he let me know things would be ok, he truly was my rock. As I stood and listened to the other stories, I realized how authentic my Dad was. Today was not a matter of us forgetting the bad and placing him on a pedestal now that he is gone. He was an amazing man who was there for others whenever they needed him. Now, most of you know I am a big believer in signs. As I left the cemetery the following song came on. Thanks Dad for being my protector til now and letting me know that you will still continue to do that. I love and miss you with all my heart but I know how lucky I was to have you. Always My Guy

Oh, why you look so sad?

Tears are in your eyes

Come on and come to me now

Don’t be ashamed to cry

Let me see you through

‘Cause I’ve seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you

You don’t know what to do

Nothin’ you confess, could make me love you less

I’ll stand by you, I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you

So, if you’re mad, get mad

Don’t hold it all inside

Come on and talk to me now

Hey, what you got to hide?

I get angry too

Well I’m a lot like you

When you’re standing at the crossroads

And don’t know which path to choose

Let me come along

‘Cause even if you’re wrong

I’ll stand by you, I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I’ll never desert you

I’ll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you, baby

You’re feelin’ all alone

You won’t be on your own

I’ll stand by you, I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour

And I’ll never desert you

I’ll stand by you, I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you
Share this:
X
Facebook
Like Loading…
Everything for a reason

June 6th, 2025
This is a phrase that is often hard to understand. This simple phrase can make sense at times and then at other times it is absolutely impossible to wrap our heads around “a reason”. Yes, I have those impossibles……why is Jeff not here??? Why didn’t someone do his/her job that day we trusted the hospital to care for him??? Why do I have three children that do not have their father here with them??? Why do I have three grandchildren who were never given the chance to know him??? Why is my Dad not here to still help me through the loss of Jeff??? Why?? Why?? Why?? I guess there is a reason for every one of those questions and someday I might learn what they are but as of right now, I’m not even close to understanding.

With those heavy duty, I can’t even begin to understand the reason, I do have some that I do know. A lot of you know the story of meeting Jeff so I will try to keep this as brief as possible so you don’t have to hear it again (or you can just skip ahead if you are tired of it). I was 21 and working at Bamberger’s/Macy’s. I had just broken up with someone and I was just tired of being with the “wrong one” so I decided to just have fun. I was going to live the life of a college girl, go to parties, hang with friends, and just basically be carefree (but not lose…..that was never my style). Well…..I walked into work to cover a friend’s shift. I was early and normally would not go up to the floor until I absolutely had to but this night was different. I went upstairs early and there was Alda (my co-worker at the time) talking to a girl my age about her son. I stepped right in and said “Is he gorgeous?” to which she replied, “I think so”. I then asked her how old he was and she said 21. Hmmmmm. She then went and pulled out his photo and she was right…he was gorgeous! She made him borrow her car the next day so he would have to pick her up. She then took her time so he would have to come in and see why she wasn’t coming out (no cell phones back then). She introduced us on 7/23/1987. He came in to say hello on 7/25/1987 and we went out for the first time on 7/26/1987 and the rest is HISTORY. There was a reason I was working that night when I wasn’t scheduled, there was a reason I went on the floor early, there was a reason I jumped right into that conversation……if those events didn’t take place, I would not have met Jeff!
Yesterday, there was yet another day of knowing the reason……I went to the Hallmark store to buy a thank you card. As I stood looking at the cards, I saw two women discussing cards in a different section. I could tell that they probably were talking about a card to send to a widow so I again jumped into a conversation. I asked them if they were trying to decided upon a card for a widow because I was one and could help. I then met a wonderful woman who was struggling to select a card to send a friend. We talked about the card, we talked about how to help her friend, we talked about Jeff……we talked!! I was supposed to be in that aisle with her. I was supposed to once again be pushy me and jump into that conversation. We were supposed to share a moment in time together. I have tried to help people through this journey and yesterday, I hope to think that I did. Yes, there was a reason!

So yes, everything does happen for a reason! Sometimes the reason is easy to understand and other times, not so easy at all. Even when we do not know the reason….there still was one. I will also add that there are many posts that say, “Everything happens for a good reason” and I will say it now and believe this forever……that’s bullshit! A reason, yes. A good one, not always!!!!!
Share this:
X
Facebook
Like Loading…
PISSED!!!!!!

March 25th, 2025
So most of you would think that title means I’m pissed because Jeff isn’t here. While that could be the case, it’s not right now. I am pissed because of the following:

State Police Arrest Trio for Series of Thefts from All Saints Cemetery in Wilmington

Date Posted: Thursday, February 20th, 2025

The Delaware State Police arrested 34-year-old Thomas Hudson, 32-year-old Ashley Newcomb, and 37-year-old Alonza Mosley, all from Newark, Delaware, for several theft and related charges following a series of thefts from All Saints Cemetery in Wilmington last year.

Between September 2024 to November 2024, troopers investigated multiple thefts of a similar nature from All Saints Cemetery, located at 6001 Kirkwood Highway in Wilmington. In each incident, 4 unknown suspects, carrying large bags/backpacks, trespassed onto the cemetery’s property after-hours, and stole bronze ceremonial vases from individual gravestones. The suspects then fled with the stolen vases in a car that was parked nearby. Over the 3-month span, the suspects stole nearly 200 vases, which totaled over $100,000 in stolen property.

Through investigative means, troopers discovered the suspects sold the stolen vases at a recycling center in New Castle on several occasions throughout the 3 months. Troopers further discovered the suspects impersonated an individual by using his identification to complete each transaction. Following the several-month long investigation, troopers ultimately identified the suspects responsible for the thefts as Thomas Hudson, Ashley Newcomb, and Alonza Mosley. On February 19, 2025, troopers executed a search warrant and arrest warrants for Hudson, Newcomb, and Mosley at a residence in Newark. All 3 suspects were taken into custody without incident at the residence.

The investigation is ongoing as the fourth suspect has not been identified at this time. Hudson, Newcomb, and Mosley were taken to Troop 2, where they were each charged with multiple crimes.

THREE months and no one at the cemetery felt the need to do anything???? Almost 200 vases and no one at the recycling center thought this was strange??? I’m pretty sure they don’t have Going Out of Business sales for this type of thing!!! I bought this vase for Jeff and picked the best one because he deserved it!!! Now, the cemetery will give me a cheap, plastic one for free or they will sell me a new one for a discount! Are you kidding me??? I have been told that these dirtbags will get nothing more than a slap on the wrist. Again, are you kidding me??? They stole from deceased people! People who could not do anything about what they were doing!! Yup, I’m pissed!!!
Share this:
X
Facebook
Like Loading…
Freakin Holidays Again

December 22nd, 2024
I’m not going to lie….I have been wanting to write but I have been putting it off in hopes that the urge would go away…..as you can see, it did not. So, here they are……..The Holidays. A time that for many of us went from the best time of the year to the absolute worst time of the year. One day we can’t wait for all the festivities and the next we wish we could just stay in bed until it is all over. There is a timeframe for us that just plain sucks….Thanksgiving to New Years. Thanksgiving, a time when the person we were most thankful for is no longer here. Christmas, a time when we are inundated with commercials of what we should give our loved one (who is no longer here) or what we should be receiving from our loved one (yeah, the one who is no longer here). And then there is New Years. New beginnings, resolutions, things to look forward to but again, the person we want that first kiss from is no longer here! What the hell?!?!?!? Damn you! Jeff LOVED the holidays and everything about them. He loved the celebration of them. He loved the family moments of them. He loved the smiles of them. Like I said, he loved everything about them. And now, here we are, without him. Time goes on and new reasons to celebrate come to into play. New reasons to celebrate or enjoy. For us, we have a lot to celebrate. New members of our family have come into our lives since Jeff left. Members that Jeff would have absolutely adored! Three grandchildren that he would have spoiled. As with his own, he would have driven everyone crazy telling people all about them. Everyone would hear about Lucas’ love and knowledge of baseball. Everyone would hear about Quinn and his strength and intelligence. Everyone would hear about Nora and her smile that lights up a room. Who am I kidding? He knows all about it and is telling people all about them where he is!! But….just like everything else, the holidays will never be the same because he is not here. And just like everything else, we are made to find ways to go on because while our worlds stopped, the world around us did not. It’s that “how do I fit into the world around me” thing. Well, I have. I have learned to be thankful for what I had. Yes, we were supposed to have far more time together but the brutal response to that is….we didn’t and no matter how hard I try, I can’t change that. I can however, treasure the time we had. Remember the memories dearly and smile when I think of them. Jeff had started me a Pandora bracelet and ironically he finished it our last Christmas together. I haven’t worn it that often but I am thinking that I am going to take it to Pandora and have it cleaned and wear it this Christmas! I might cry when I look at it on my wrist or I might smile or I might do both but I will be ok because that means the memories still live and always will.

To my friends who are newer to this club……you got this! Don’t beat yourself up if you are not feeling the way you used to about the holidays. You do you. You are allowed to celebrate or not celebrate however you want. Go through the motions or stay in bed…..whatever you need to do is what you should do. Don’t feel badly if you cry and don’t feel badly if you laugh. Tomorrow gives us an opportunity to wake up and make changes if necessary. I love you all and even though the words might not be the right ones just yet, I do wish you all a MERRY Christmas and a HAPPY New Year!!
Share this:
X
Facebook
Like Loading…
Anyone get the license plate of that truck……

October 14th, 2024
So this one is going to loop so get ready…….today, I feel as if I have been run over by a tractor trailer!! The photo above is an actual photo of a truck….that hit me….in 2016. This truck came across the back of my Audi and was there long enough to have its tire wear off the paint of my bumper. It then sent me all over the road and for whatever reason, I did not go off the road and lived to tell the tale. Because of that, I can legitimately say, “I feel as if I have been run over by a tractor trailer!”

Today is my 35th Wedding Anniversary and I’m not going to lie, it has been a tough one to handle. I am thinking it is because of the number. 35 is a big one. We would have been celebrating it more than our normal trek to Sullivan’s. It’s my 8th one that I “celebrate” without him. I think of that and it is this type of thing that shows me how much I have changed. Before this happened, I would always be counting down. Counting down the days until school was out. Counting down the days until our next vacation. Counting down the days until the next party or holiday. Once this happened, I seemed to be counting up. Counting up the days since I saw him. Counting up the months since he left. Counting up the years since we celebrated our anniversary together. I know it sounds like something small but in my world, it was a HUGE shift.

Now back to the truck……in 2020, I exhausted all options and wound up having spinal fusion to try to lessen the pain I was experiencing since the car vs truck incident (car lost by the way). While it never completely healed, it did help until a few days ago. Today, my back is in excruciating pain and I don’t know why. The not knowing why is probably bothering me more than that actual pain. I like reason. I like to be able to pinpoint an answer and fix it. I have done nothing that would cause this to have happened (kinda like the accident itself). So…my shitty day may very well end up with a trip to the ER….ugh. Yes, once again, I feel as if I were hit by a tractor trailer…..physically and literally.

Not the anniversary I would have picked but so many things since 1/14/2017 are not what I would have picked. And this too shall pass as so many other speed bumps have and tomorrow will be a new day. I’ve had a lot of “new day tomorrows” and I know I will be okay but until then, I will feel sad today and I will also feel happy. If the happy wasn’t so happy, I wouldn’t feel sad! Every second, every day. Happy 35th Jeff!!!

So…..to shift……good times……

And today….I will survive. My first alone anniversary, I took 5 laps at 168 MPH on the Dover Monster Mile. I won’t do that today, but I will continue to live because he deserves it.
Share this:
X
Facebook
Like Loading…
Does God Really Believe We Can Handle All This???

October 7th, 2024
As the saying goes, God only gives us what we can handle. I often, especially in 2017, felt honored by the level of faith that God had in me but also questioned it. I had absolutely zero faith in my ability to handle any of it. Who am I kidding??? I had little faith in anything at that time except that my world was NEVER going to be what it was supposed to be. Recently, I feel as if I have seen or am seeing too many people have their worlds rocked to the core. God having faith in good people and their ability to handle bad things. The Gaudreau Family facing the loss of two wonderful sons/husbands/brothers/fathers, my cousin facing a major medical issue, and an amazing couple facing the diagnosis of ALS. I sit and think, what the hell are you thinking God?!?!

After I was able to breathe again, I decided that we went through what we did so that our close friends and family wouldn’t have to experience the same pain. I decided we “took one for the team”. I had it figured out and I knew Jeff would have volunteered to spare anyone he loved from the pain of losing someone close to him. It seemed to make sense until our dear friend (more family than friend) Donna was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. Ummm, God, did you forget????? We took care of this by losing Jeff. You were NOT supposed to take someone from our “team” tragically. We covered this…..remember????? Well, now, I know that is not the way it works so I had to switch my thinking….AGAIN! My thought now is actually back to how I thought when I was younger but with more adult reasoning. My thought then and now is that when we get here, we all have a purpose. For some people, it is easy to see what the purpose is/was and for others we may never understand the purpose but either way, there is a purpose. As humans, we tend to go through life without seeing all the amazing opportunities given to us. We take for granted almost every second we are gifted in our lives. We are always going to do this or do that. We are always going to get together. We are always going to go somewhere we have dreamed of seeing. We are always going but that means nothing if we don’t DO. Now, as I still get upset that Jeff is not here with me, I do have to say that I know his purpose(s). He was put on this earth to be a great son, an incredible brother, a loving husband, a giving father, a devoted friend, a diligent co-worker, and on and on that list goes but there was a purpose that goes beyond his life. He has made me grab opportunities when I can. Before I lost Jeff, I would never have gone to Switzerland for a long weekend to go to a Flyers game. I would have never had the strength to sell a house and buy a house on my own. I would never have thought about spending Christmas in Europe. The list goes on but I won’t bore you with it because I think you get the idea. I have been afforded so many great opportunities and when I can…..I do! Regrets can really do damage and while we will never be able to avoid all regrets, if we can minimize, we will be better off. Jeff loved life. The worst thing that I could do to his memory is to not live. Thank you Jeff for giving me this gift and I promise to take care of it. Love and miss you – Every Second, Every Day!
Share this:
X
Facebook
Like Loading…
If I Should Stumble

September 15th, 2024
In the past, I have quoted some profound people but today…..it is Billy Idol! Last night I went to a gathering with new friends. Two pretty cool guys who, along with a sister, make up a set of triplets from England. Between the accents and their love of 80s music….it was an awesome evening. And even though it was an awesome evening, I had some setbacks. That ‘back in time’ thing that can really mess me up. I’ve now done this long enough that I can keep my shit together in public (that definitely was not always the case) so I’m kinda proud that people are around me during these times but do not even realize I’m struggling. I realize that this is just a part of me now and I just have to let the tide ebb and flow. It is like dealing with the undertow. I have two choices, swim against it and have the life sucked out of me or swim across it and live to see another day. I have learned to swim across these moments. Safely wait them out and make it to shore to once again stand strongly on the ground. And now the Billy Idol part……I have been a fan since his Generation X days. Luckily for me, the people who had the party were too so we listened to some old school Generation X which then had me thinking about all the Billy Idol concerts I have attended. Some before my shit hit the fan and others after. I tend to like the songs that are not the mainstream songs and one of those songs is Catch My Fall. Yup……I have been lucky. I have surrounded with people to catch my fall. I know that stumbling is something I will do. Heck, everyone does! It is not a characteristic that is just the property of widows/widowers, it is a human characteristic. It is what you do during and after the fall that means everything. I can stumble but when needed, I know someone will catch my fall and for that, I am forever thankful!!

It could happen to you
So think for yourself
If I should stumble
Catch my fall, yeah!
Share this:
X
Facebook
Like Loading…