I have struggled a bit recently. I know reviving this blog has brought things back for me but I know that the first blog eventually helped me and others so I am hopeful that this will do the same. As I stated before, some words do not exist to describe the situation but I am doing this today to attempt to “let go” of things that rattle in my head quite often. Those of you who were around when this shit show happened know that I wholeheartedly believe that if ONE person did his/her job that day, he would still be here but sadly, that did not happen. So, while I would love to look every person in his/her eyes to tell them what I think, I will never have that opportunity so instead I will write them a letter.

This is to the people we came in contact with the day of January 5, 2017 and until January 14, 2017.

To the ambulance staff – please listen. Listen to every word the patient is saying. That one symptom you ignored truly meant the difference between life and death. Watch the person closely. Look at the non-verbal signs to show you that something terrible is happening. Take the time to truly come up with a potential diagnosis rather than a quick thought that can be incorrect. When a patient cannot hold his head up due to excrutiating pain, do not make him walk to the ambulance! Do your job!!! To the triage nurse – please listen. Do not assume that the information you have received from the ambulance staff tells you the whole story. Do not assume it is “a stomach bug” when there were so many other symptoms that stated it was not a stomach bug. Do not push a patient who is in distress into a hallway alone for an hour. Do your job!!! To the woman working the registration window – please listen. When a frantic woman comes banging on your window in need of help because her husband is now having a stroke in the hallway we have been left alone in for an hour, the response should not be “I’m not a nurse”. Help the person, get the nurse, do something other than have the woman begging to have the medical care he so deserved. Do your job!!! To the ER doc and nurse – thank you for trying during the brief time you had him. Thank you for allowing me to overhear the nurse say to the doc, “What are they doing out there??? This is the second one.” because it let me know that we did not drop the ball. You tried to do your job but had the odds against you due to the actions of those before you. To the Neurosurgeon – I understand you have a job but you are a person too so please act with a bit of compassion. Do not shove a paper in a woman’s face and say “if you don’t sign this so he can have surgery, he is going to die”. Are you kidding me?? You took the time to say that? I would have signed my life away to save his that day and you present it to me like that???? And on the flip side, please take your time when you should. Take the time to find out why that clot was there. If you had, the second stroke would have never happened but instead he got a quick fix and ultimately had the second stroke. Oh, back to time, be as quick as lightning when it calls for it. Waiting almost 2 hours for his second surgery to start caused his brain to die. To the Neurologists in the ICU – please listen. Do not doubt what the family is seeing. They know this patient far better than you ever will. If they tell you he is answering them with his eyes, believe them and come see it in action. The family is fighting with all they have. They are struggling to understand what is happening. Please, don’t make it worse. In the middle of the chaos, do not recommend a novel written by someone who also has lock-in syndrome. I cannot read a full book six years later. Do you really think I was going to sit down in his room and read??? But, to the one neurologist who showed compassion, thank you. Thank you for caring. Thank you for feeling for us. Thank you for responding the way you did when I asked you if I could have a hug. You didn’t just say yes, you said “Could I get a hug from you?” You whispered in my ear how sorry you were that this was happening to us. You were human and it meant so much in a world where most people had not been. To the ICU nursing staff – for the most part, you were a welcome part of our days but…….when a woman is staying by her husband’s side for a total of nine days, give her the dignity to use the shower in his room because he was certainly not going to use it. You see, she wanted to look her best for him during his last days. She wanted him to see her the way he had for almost 30 years. And on top of all that, she wanted to feel ‘human’. Trying to do this as quickly as possible by using a sink was an added issue that was not necessary.

In a nutshell, I understand that for most of you, he was just a patient but for us he was our world. The loss we have encountered is the worst thing imaginable. We lost an amazing husband, an amazing father, and an amazing friend. A man who always did things for us before he would consider himself. A man who was supposed to be here to enjoy all the things that have happened since 1/2017. And now we have the next generation who will never know the best Grandpop they could ever ask to have. A Grandpop that would have been so proud of his grandchildren. A Grandpop that would have done all the things that Grandpops do. He would have been planning the Disney trips for them. He would have been figuring out the sports schedules so he could see as many games as possible. He would have given them the hugs that he made people say, “Jeff gives the best hugs.” He would have sugared them up and then take them home to their parents!! But, above all things, he would have loved them with everything he had because that’s what he did. Now, instead of these things, they will have the best guardian angel ever. He will watch over them from up there. He will always love us because we certainly will always love him.