So this one is going to loop so get ready…….today, I feel as if I have been run over by a tractor trailer!! The photo above is an actual photo of a truck….that hit me….in 2016. This truck came across the back of my Audi and was there long enough to have its tire wear off the paint of my bumper. It then sent me all over the road and for whatever reason, I did not go off the road and lived to tell the tale. Because of that, I can legitimately say, “I feel as if I have been run over by a tractor trailer!”

Today is my 35th Wedding Anniversary and I’m not going to lie, it has been a tough one to handle. I am thinking it is because of the number. 35 is a big one. We would have been celebrating it more than our normal trek to Sullivan’s. It’s my 8th one that I “celebrate” without him. I think of that and it is this type of thing that shows me how much I have changed. Before this happened, I would always be counting down. Counting down the days until school was out. Counting down the days until our next vacation. Counting down the days until the next party or holiday. Once this happened, I seemed to be counting up. Counting up the days since I saw him. Counting up the months since he left. Counting up the years since we celebrated our anniversary together. I know it sounds like something small but in my world, it was a HUGE shift.

Now back to the truck……in 2020, I exhausted all options and wound up having spinal fusion to try to lessen the pain I was experiencing since the car vs truck incident (car lost by the way). While it never completely healed, it did help until a few days ago. Today, my back is in excruciating pain and I don’t know why. The not knowing why is probably bothering me more than that actual pain. I like reason. I like to be able to pinpoint an answer and fix it. I have done nothing that would cause this to have happened (kinda like the accident itself). So…my shitty day may very well end up with a trip to the ER….ugh. Yes, once again, I feel as if I were hit by a tractor trailer…..physically and literally.

Not the anniversary I would have picked but so many things since 1/14/2017 are not what I would have picked. And this too shall pass as so many other speed bumps have and tomorrow will be a new day. I’ve had a lot of “new day tomorrows” and I know I will be okay but until then, I will feel sad today and I will also feel happy. If the happy wasn’t so happy, I wouldn’t feel sad! Every second, every day. Happy 35th Jeff!!!

So…..to shift……good times……

And today….I will survive. My first alone anniversary, I took 5 laps at 168 MPH on the Dover Monster Mile. I won’t do that today, but I will continue to live because he deserves it.