I remember taking this photo because it was such a crazy day! The sky was so bright ahead of me and pitch black behind me. I was sitting here trying to go through photos to get rid of duplicates or screen shots of things I either no longer need or worse yet, I cannot for the life of me figure out why I took them in the first place and this photo popped up. It seems to be very in tune with my life now but that definitely was not always the case. There was a time when, even if it were bright and sunny outside, I was in that black portion of the photo. I saw no future. I saw no happiness. I saw no life. I was just existing. It is sad to think back to that time because I’m sure Jeff was not very happy with me then. I’ve said it before, he would never not want me to be happy and to live. I do hope that he realizes that EVERYTHING came crashing down on the day he left. Actually, it was the day of the shit show but his leaving took any hope away. This was my reality. This was my kids’ reality. This was a lot of people’s reality. He was gone and was not coming back. Oh! I guess that’s why I was in the dark. My heart was dark, my world was dark, my brain was dark. I was afraid to be alone and even more afraid of the thought of finding someone. My future was looking pretty grim.
I’m not quite sure when the day happened but that shift came and just like the photo, I drove out of that darkness. I started to realize how lucky I was for what I had. Can’t quite say blessed because I was still pretty upset with God and my Church but that too would become a work in progress. And what was it that I had? Three amazing children, a house that we built, a job that I loved, family and friends who loved me, and a world in front of me to do with whatever I chose. Was it ultimately what I would have chosen…..I think you all know the answer to that question. Did I get to surge ahead and set up a life? Absolutely the case. And here I am 3138 days (or 8 years, 7 months, and 4 days) later and I’m ok. Has it been a rocky ride? Of course it has. But what ride isn’t? The trials in my life, except for losing the people I love, have been speed bumps. And luckily for me, I drive a low profile car so I know that even though I might have to take them on slowly, I will still get over them. As I have told my kids….someone always has it worse and I will NEVER stop believing that. Walking this Earth, as I type, there is someone who would give anything to have it “as easy as I do” even though it has been hard.

“Tough times don’t last, but tough people do,”