I am a Sirius XM girl. I have a range of about 7 channels. Today, I was going to an appointment, thinking about nothing in particular and The Verve came on…..The Freshmen. My first thought goes to one of my former cheerleaders, Jayanne. She was all about The Verve when they came out and I still remember that from forever ago. Then I really started focusing on the words. These words were profound for the first time ever……

For the life of me, I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise, and we’d never compromise
For the life of me, I cannot believe
We’d ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen.

So many things came into my mind. Of course, the obvious…..being young and knowing better than anyone. But then more hit me. Jeff and I were wise. We knew what we wanted. From the beginning, we knew we wanted to get married which is why we were engaged within months of meeting each other. We knew we wanted to have a family which is why we were married in October and pregnant by March. We knew we wanted to have a comfortable life which is exactly what we did. We knew it all…….until we didn’t. We knew what our empty nest was going to look like. We knew what our retirement was going to look like. We knew it all…….until we didn’t.

When we first started dating, Jeff would tell me he was going to die when he was 28. He was serious. He just had this gut feeling that he was not going to live past that age. Well, he did and I am so happy for that but now I think about it and he didn’t even double that. At 51 years old (a week into it), he had to start his journey to leave us. WE DID NOT KNOW THAT! I still have days where it just seems like it really didn’t happen. We were supposed to grow old together. We were supposed to travel the world together. We were supposed to make even more memories together. Little did we know!! But, again, the shift in the way I look at things needs to kick in…..We didn’t grow old together but we did grow up together, we didn’t travel to all the places we wanted to but we did travel to many great places together, and we didn’t make as many memories as we wanted to make but we did make oh so many memories together. Maybe I’m a little more invested in this today because tomorrow would have marked the 38th Anniversary of our Meeting. We would be going out to dinner at some point this week….we met on the 23rd and started dating on the 26th. We liked to celebrate things whether they were considered major or ‘no big deal’. We would be making plans for things….trips, parties, concerts, and all the other things we would do. It is still all so vivid to me. I remember everything about him and always will. I still try to replicate the sound the water would make when he took a shower and I still have absolutely no idea how to do it but I still try. I still talk to him and every now and then, I yell at him. I still wonder/hope that wherever he is now, he is ok and is watching over me, the kids, and now the grandkids. I just hope he knows that I’m ok so he can get the rest he earned.

And I still look for signs……after the song was over, I was stopped at a red light and the car in front of me had this on the back window…….
NEVERTHELESS SHE PERSISTED. Not in the way the feminist cause came to use this phrase but in my general life I have! Yes, in spite of difficulties, I have persisted……thank you Jeff!!!