As the saying goes, God only gives us what we can handle. I often, especially in 2017, felt honored by the level of faith that God had in me but also questioned it. I had absolutely zero faith in my ability to handle any of it. Who am I kidding??? I had little faith in anything at that time except that my world was NEVER going to be what it was supposed to be. Recently, I feel as if I have seen or am seeing too many people have their worlds rocked to the core. God having faith in good people and their ability to handle bad things. The Gaudreau Family facing the loss of two wonderful sons/husbands/brothers/fathers, my cousin facing a major medical issue, and an amazing couple facing the diagnosis of ALS. I sit and think, what the hell are you thinking God?!?!

After I was able to breathe again, I decided that we went through what we did so that our close friends and family wouldn’t have to experience the same pain. I decided we “took one for the team”. I had it figured out and I knew Jeff would have volunteered to spare anyone he loved from the pain of losing someone close to him. It seemed to make sense until our dear friend (more family than friend) Donna was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. Ummm, God, did you forget????? We took care of this by losing Jeff. You were NOT supposed to take someone from our “team” tragically. We covered this…..remember????? Well, now, I know that is not the way it works so I had to switch my thinking….AGAIN! My thought now is actually back to how I thought when I was younger but with more adult reasoning. My thought then and now is that when we get here, we all have a purpose. For some people, it is easy to see what the purpose is/was and for others we may never understand the purpose but either way, there is a purpose. As humans, we tend to go through life without seeing all the amazing opportunities given to us. We take for granted almost every second we are gifted in our lives. We are always going to do this or do that. We are always going to get together. We are always going to go somewhere we have dreamed of seeing. We are always going but that means nothing if we don’t DO. Now, as I still get upset that Jeff is not here with me, I do have to say that I know his purpose(s). He was put on this earth to be a great son, an incredible brother, a loving husband, a giving father, a devoted friend, a diligent co-worker, and on and on that list goes but there was a purpose that goes beyond his life. He has made me grab opportunities when I can. Before I lost Jeff, I would never have gone to Switzerland for a long weekend to go to a Flyers game. I would have never had the strength to sell a house and buy a house on my own. I would never have thought about spending Christmas in Europe. The list goes on but I won’t bore you with it because I think you get the idea. I have been afforded so many great opportunities and when I can…..I do! Regrets can really do damage and while we will never be able to avoid all regrets, if we can minimize, we will be better off. Jeff loved life. The worst thing that I could do to his memory is to not live. Thank you Jeff for giving me this gift and I promise to take care of it. Love and miss you – Every Second, Every Day!