I’m not going to lie…..I have been having a bit of a tough time. Easter, for whatever reason, hit me hard this year and the funk was a deep one. I am definitely working out of it and that is always a good feeling. I do believe that sometimes the “funks” can be good even though they can make me feel so badly. The funks bring the memories to the front of my mind which can be difficult and amazing all rolled into one. I know that sounds strange but I think I have come to learn that the reason it hurts so badly is because the good was SO good and now that it is gone it hurts SO much. I have decided to make an effort to focus on the good rather than allow the bad to overshadow that. I can sit around all day long going on and on and on about all the things I am missing now that Jeff is gone but what would that do? It would make Jeff terribly disappointed in me. It would make him watch me not live the life that I have been gifted to have. Everything happens for a reason and while I still do not understand why he is no longer here or why I am, a fact is a fact. I am here and the most disrespectful thing I could do to him and his memory is to not live the life I have been given. Jeff wanted the best for me. He worked hard to give me an amazing life. He loved to see me happy. I need to continue allowing myself to see that in the memories and the moments now.

Here’s where the 2.0 comes in. The term 2.0 is used postpositively to describe a new and improved version or example of something or someone. I definitely have a 2.0 version of me now. I am far more appreciative of opportunities that are presented to me. I have been able to do things that I probably would have never had the guts to do prior. I literally went to Switzerland for a long weekend to see the Flyers play a preseason game. I have gone camping and have loved the peace, the tranquility, and the disconnect from my phone (still have not given up the need for an actual toilet and shower). I have sold a house and bought my very first “just me” house. I have become a landlord. I have bought an airline ticket on a Monday to start a long weekend in Florida on a Thursday! The list goes on and on and on. But the thing is, that list is just beginning. I have a To Do List a mile long and I know that I will probably never finish it but as long as I am trying….. Now I can tell you that with this 2.0 version comes a little bit of guilt. I often wonder if Jeff would have liked/loved this version better than the one I gave him. There are times that I know for sure that would be the case but on the flip side, he loved me and the original version and I find comfort in that. I do believe that he is watching over me, giving me the strength I need during the times that I desperately need it (thanks for the dimes!). Here’s to Susan 2.0 which I only hope becomes Susan “2.0 and then some”!!!